Live from the Dark Knight Rises Premiere
July 17, 2012
by J.D.Cook
July 16th 2012 I, Oliver Layco and the Cultural Communist set out to try and see some celebrities at the Dark Knight Rises premiere. Upon arriving only a half hour early due to a 
McDonald’s trip we found no more space was left in the allotted standing area for fans…despite the considerable amount of space left. So I and my compatriots decided to find a good place to stand and observe the madness. Unfortunately we were yelled at and impolitely told to get lost every where we tried to loiter. I understand the security detail and cops present are supposed to keep the area free of congestion but there is a way you talk to people and a way you do not talk to people. More than once we were yelled at and told to ‘move’. I would have been much less offended if these large intimidating men had said ‘hey sorry folks but I’m going to have to ask you to move along,’ or something along those lines. I get that they are busy and it must be a pain to tell people to move constantly but I really can’t take the complete lack of manners these people and most New Yorkers in general have. Fascist is a strong word…but these people were fascists…the street is free and who the hell are these people to begrudge everyone a glimpse of actors and directors they idolize? As long as the people weren’t being belligerent or pushy themselves there was no reason to treat them so hostile!
Moving along the crew and I worked our way across the street out of the oppressive reach 
of the fascist security detail. Unfortunately there were quite a few idiots over here as well. People began to form a crowd on the street in front of us. Now where were the Fascists when you actually needed them!? Now to flip everything back on its head; it’s amazing how complete strangers can become talkative and friendly when an event is happening across the street! Everyone seems more lively and jovial as they try and spot the different celebrities across the way.
We didn’t have to wait long before black SUV’s and cars started arriving baring various 
famous people within. In an amazing twist of fate the Cultural Communist was picked out of the crowd because of his T-shirt by Christian Bale to see the Dark Knight Rises early! He was led into the theater to rub arms with the various famous folks while I and Oliver remained outside. We saw a huge amount of the main cast but the stand out was Christopher Nolan. This is a director I have idolized since I was 14 and in my opinion there are no equals to him in film currently. As Oliver and I ventured about the theater one last time I happened to catch a glance of Alan Alda in a hotel when I cocked my head right out of happenstance. A bit later a random fellow walked up to me and poked me in the gut saying, “Grant Morrison is here; I just talked with him!” I guess the Batman shirt I was wearing said I was a comic fan in the know.
Much later the Cultural Communist arrived at my house to give us the skinny on his experience. He said Bale was a bit intimidating and that he fell in love with Marion Cotillard. Of the movie he would only say one word… “Accessit”… We still aren’t really sure what he meant.
(The Following bits about the Cultural Communist were all false – GOT YA!)